When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize