He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
