just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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