Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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