after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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