New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
