Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
