Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize