seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
