It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
