I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
