just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
