I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
