using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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