we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
