I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
