have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
