Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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