Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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