He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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