I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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