We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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