its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
