she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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