did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
