You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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