well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
