Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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