dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
