Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
