you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
