Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
accomplished twins. life is a go
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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