that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
