i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That accounts for only three of the penises
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
