im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
