Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
