Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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