Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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