Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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