your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you didnt know i had herpes?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize