my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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