I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
