hotel room ftw
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
