Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
