my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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