Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
