Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
