my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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