ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
