I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
