Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
