His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
