you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
