Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
