ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
