five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize