I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
