tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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