her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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