my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
