Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
