im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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