Someone shit on the floor
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize