so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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