Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
