bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
