waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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