I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
