Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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