Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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