Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
