Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
