It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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