She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
