you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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