ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
